Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
