Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
