I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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