talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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