i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
