she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
