i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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