with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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