Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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