Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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