wakey wakey hands off snakey
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My vagina just clenched in fear
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
