small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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