I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
