this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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