You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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