it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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