he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
