Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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