Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i think i scared a bird with my dick
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
