so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
