Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
