Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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