i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
