i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
