High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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