it wasn't lemon gatorade
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
