i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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