I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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