Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
