she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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