So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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