How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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