Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
