I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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