I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
