I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
