Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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