new low.... made out with someone while peeing
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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