I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
