I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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