Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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