moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
