I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize