I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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