I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
