Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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