Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
