That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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