Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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