it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
