Do vagina's smell?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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