So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
