this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Can I color on your dick again?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
