I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
