I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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