I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
