found the other keg... it's in the tree
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
