mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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