omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
