First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
