I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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