Do you still have your period?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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