1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
my being single is dangerous.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
