her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
