So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
