If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
