how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize