My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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