you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
