oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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