just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
